Dear Reader,
Here's how my day went on July 7, 2019:
2:42 PM: Hey, Readers. I'm at the hospital right now with my mum, my dad, and my sister, Cloud9 (C9). Dad felt a spasm in his leg and he says his chest is hurting. I messaged CL, CC, and MM. But the only one that responded was MM. CC's phone might be down again. But it's unusual for CL not to respond. I hope she's okay.
3:11 PM: So, apparently, the two worst ways to die are: (1) Being burnt alive, and (2) Drowning. I don't believe this. Pain is a thing created by man. It's completely psychological. If you hurt yourself, you focus on the pain. But if you don't think about the pain, and you tell yourself that it doesn't hurt, the pain will go away. I've tried it. It works. Only with physical pain, though. I'm still trying to figure out emotional pain. And when you master this, death doesn't seem as bad as you thought it would be. Personally, death isn't the end of anything. It's the beginning of everything.
3:34 PM: Still at the hospital. CL answered. She's trying to reach CC.
3:42 PM: I need to get a new phone.
3:46 PM: Apps for my new phone: Instagram, Wattpad, Twitter, Youtube, Gmail, Gmail, TikTok, Blogger, Google Docs, Google Drive...
3:47 PM: So, Mum and Dad are waiting for the doctor. It's really busy today.
4:03 PM: CC's phone is down again. I'm stressing about Dad. I'm shaky, too. I can't even read the books I brought with me. I want to cry. But there are too many people in this waiting room. I thought of going to the bathroom to cry, but then if Mum comes out so I can go back to visit Dad, I'd be in there balling my eyes out, which would only worry her more.
4:04 PM: Stress eating is NOT healthy.
4:56 PM: I still haven't gone back to see Dad. I'm tired and hungry. But I can't eat any more food. The snack bag is almost empty.
5:17 PM: Usually, it is REALLY cold in this waiting room. But I'm so warm, I'm sleepy.
5:47 PM: Mental note for later: Check out girlonlineus.com and
www.zoella.co.uk.
6:10 PM: There's a guy out here puking into a bag. But he's over-exaggerating. He keeps making very loud 'hugh' sounds. XD
6:24 PM: Okay, it's starting to get cold in here... now that the sun is setting.
6:27 PM: Mum and Dad are waiting for Dad's results now. He had to get a cat scan or something. Hopefully, he doesn't have any more blood clots.
7:17 PM: When I think about life, I picture it like I'm watching from the sky. I watch a 17-year-old girl wake up, eat her breakfast, do her chores. I also watch her cut herself and question whether or not she should kill herself. I then watch her think of her family and feel guilty, alone, worried, sad, grateful, different, worthless, and depressed, all at the same time. I watch her battle with these feelings daily. I watch her do her best to fool her family, when inside, she asks me to grant her one small wish. But I refuse. Because I am her. I feel what she feels. I feel the guilt, the worthlessness. I feel it all. And yet, I still refuse.
8:29 PM: I just went to In 'N Out with C9. It was fun. I talked about music. I think she was surprised in my choice of music.
- Ella Cinder
2:42 PM: Hey, Readers. I'm at the hospital right now with my mum, my dad, and my sister, Cloud9 (C9). Dad felt a spasm in his leg and he says his chest is hurting. I messaged CL, CC, and MM. But the only one that responded was MM. CC's phone might be down again. But it's unusual for CL not to respond. I hope she's okay.
3:11 PM: So, apparently, the two worst ways to die are: (1) Being burnt alive, and (2) Drowning. I don't believe this. Pain is a thing created by man. It's completely psychological. If you hurt yourself, you focus on the pain. But if you don't think about the pain, and you tell yourself that it doesn't hurt, the pain will go away. I've tried it. It works. Only with physical pain, though. I'm still trying to figure out emotional pain. And when you master this, death doesn't seem as bad as you thought it would be. Personally, death isn't the end of anything. It's the beginning of everything.
3:34 PM: Still at the hospital. CL answered. She's trying to reach CC.
3:42 PM: I need to get a new phone.
3:46 PM: Apps for my new phone: Instagram, Wattpad, Twitter, Youtube, Gmail, Gmail, TikTok, Blogger, Google Docs, Google Drive...
3:47 PM: So, Mum and Dad are waiting for the doctor. It's really busy today.
4:03 PM: CC's phone is down again. I'm stressing about Dad. I'm shaky, too. I can't even read the books I brought with me. I want to cry. But there are too many people in this waiting room. I thought of going to the bathroom to cry, but then if Mum comes out so I can go back to visit Dad, I'd be in there balling my eyes out, which would only worry her more.
4:04 PM: Stress eating is NOT healthy.
4:56 PM: I still haven't gone back to see Dad. I'm tired and hungry. But I can't eat any more food. The snack bag is almost empty.
5:17 PM: Usually, it is REALLY cold in this waiting room. But I'm so warm, I'm sleepy.
5:47 PM: Mental note for later: Check out girlonlineus.com and
www.zoella.co.uk.
6:10 PM: There's a guy out here puking into a bag. But he's over-exaggerating. He keeps making very loud 'hugh' sounds. XD
6:24 PM: Okay, it's starting to get cold in here... now that the sun is setting.
6:27 PM: Mum and Dad are waiting for Dad's results now. He had to get a cat scan or something. Hopefully, he doesn't have any more blood clots.
7:17 PM: When I think about life, I picture it like I'm watching from the sky. I watch a 17-year-old girl wake up, eat her breakfast, do her chores. I also watch her cut herself and question whether or not she should kill herself. I then watch her think of her family and feel guilty, alone, worried, sad, grateful, different, worthless, and depressed, all at the same time. I watch her battle with these feelings daily. I watch her do her best to fool her family, when inside, she asks me to grant her one small wish. But I refuse. Because I am her. I feel what she feels. I feel the guilt, the worthlessness. I feel it all. And yet, I still refuse.
8:29 PM: I just went to In 'N Out with C9. It was fun. I talked about music. I think she was surprised in my choice of music.
- Ella Cinder
Comments
Post a Comment