Dear Reader,
I had a very strange dream last night. I was walking around town and I was looking for MS. Every time I found him, I got this giggly, bubbly feeling inside me and I would give him a hug, and a kiss, and smile like crazy. Then he would go away again and I would get this horrible, unsettling feeling, like something was going to happen if I didn't find him again.
Then the dream changed to me, MM, and some stranger driving around town. We were driving down a street and having a blast, laughing and screaming in joy, driving as fast as we could from the law, but I was freaking out internally. I knew that I had to get out of there.
So I left them and then winded up at this park, where I found MS. I ran to him, gave him a giant hug, giggling like crazy when the impact of my hug makes us both tumble to the ground.
And get this:
When we kissed, oh my god, I about died. I have never wanted someone as much as I did him. And now I will never get to have him ever again..
I hurts. So much.
According to Dreammoods.com:
"To dream that you are kissing your ex indicates that you are looking back on the positive experiences and good times that you shared with your past love. This dream may be triggered by some major change in your current relationship and how far you have come from those past relationships."
"To dream that you are chasing someone signifies that you are attempting to overcome a difficult goal or task. You may also be expressing some aggressive feelings toward others."
"To dream that you are being chased and enjoying it implies that you like being the object of desire. You like feeling wanted. The dream may be analogous to a blossoming relationship."
"If you are the one doing the chasing, then the dream may highlight your drive and ambition to go after something you want, or go after someone you want."
"If you dream that you want your ex-boyfriend back, then the dream may reflect waking feelings of actually wanting him back. Alternatively, it means that you miss being in a relationship and to feel wanted."
So, I did just end my relationship with MS. And I miss him terribly. But I know that he doesn't miss me and he never will, because he never cared.
I need to move on.
-snorts- I'm the one that ended it, but he's already moved on. How sad can this get?
And of course, I still want him. -shakes head- Life is so confusing.
When I woke up, I started thinking: What if I just showed up at his house? Would he forgive me? What if I rang the doorbell, and his mother opened the door and I asked for MS, and he walked up and I just gave him the longest hug in the world?
Obviously, I wouldn't do that. I'd just confuse the hell outta him. '-'
And I realized that I miss him.
And I can't blame anyone but myself. -curses- God, why is life so hard?
Why am I the one feeling like shit because I ended the relationship so that I could find myself?!?!??!
-- Ella Cinder
Comments
Post a Comment